time

i wonder why i put "time" as the title. maybe it's cause i'm in a race against time nowadays.

yesterday was our annual STTSS 2010 Bazaar, Higher Education Fair and Exhibition. it had been an inspiring day. its process let me understand that there are certain people whom you can mix with and trust and they can definitely help you on your way to the peak of your lifetime, but there are a lot more who are only passerby-s in your life, playing a very small role somewhere at sometime. it's a huge regret for me, because i don't like to see people around me being left out or missed from my life, since interaction with them will cause you to have some feelings and ties for them.

it's almost time for UEC. i still have so many activities, what to do?

it's sad to also say that the people i once thought will be able to accompany me to reach our goals are now, i have to say, incapable of doing so. our thoughts, actions, personalities are too much of a difference. once more, i'm in a one-person-against-the-world situation. i have to conquer my own obstacles.

but the truth is, i hope i will find a group of people or at least someone who i can rely and depend on to clear these challenges. will i get lucky? i hope so.

dang

dang. that's the word that came to my mind while we were having our usual maths & sci training today at 6.30 am. i have to admit, i'm jealous. jealous when my fav teacher came to look for the two people who will be representing our school to participate in the national math and science competition organized by Cheng Gong University of Taiwan. i'm still learning and trying to accept the fact that i'm not selected.

i'm getting over it. i've already half accepted the blatant truth, that i've been misused and misguided by the school, by the school i love so much and serve wholeheartedly. even though i've been reassured by ah wong ( my awesome teacher, and also teacher-in-charge of this event in our school ), there's still this prick somewhere deep in my heart. why?

maybe it's because the school promised me at the beginning of the year. maybe it's because i sacrificed an A for my Senior UECs just for this competition. maybe it's because this competition was a reason why i stayed for senior 3 in the first place.

i still do not understand how the school chose which students should go. i wonder why they did not realize how much this means to me. the teachers and vice-principal asked me to give up my accounts at the beginning of the year and take back biology, a subject which i've hated since form 1. i did so, for the sake of this competition, and for the sake of a promise i've made... in the end.. this is how the school repaid my efforts. didn't even inform me beforehand when they made the decision.

does the school not realize which student is willing to work for it and who has the most potential? if they had chosen xx i wouldn't even be that disappointed. the biggest disappointment is that the reason for not selecting me, i have too many activities. ... not cause of my results, they're good enough i'm sure, but cause of activities. ... what????? especially when the vice-principal told me, if you didn't have the taiwan camp, we would have selected you, i almost felt like saying, fine i wouldn't wanna go to taiwan anyway because that's not what i wanted initially in the first place!!

disappointed and frustrated. i need to time to get over this. however, i will still give my blessings to the representatives. they will do awesomely, i can feel it. KC, if you're reading this, my promise, now it's up to you to help me not break it...

God bless everyone. I still love my school, no matter what.